The full cast of characters from Band Aid’s classic “Do They know It’s Christmas?” video.
In what has become a proud Audio File Christmas tradition, I am happy to bring back my commentary for Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” video.
Just like how Rankin and Bass have Rudolph and David Letterman has Darlene Love performing “Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home),” I have Bono’s shoulder dance and Phil Collins reminding us he really is a drummer reminding me to find my Christmas spirit.
The fundraising tune, led by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure, was spawned Live Aid and helped raise money and awareness to fight poverty in Ethiopia.
My story starts on a cold Christmas Eve in 2007, when I wanted to write a final post before heading off to finish last-minute shopping on the first Christmas I was spending away from my family in Baltimore.
To bring myself some Christmas cheer, I decided to write a commentary on the best Christmas video ever, Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
Now, this was done in jest. The cause is a worthy one and it brought a lot of awareness oh so many years ago. However, you can’t deny some of the ridiculousness of this video.
For the full effect, I’d watch the video in one screen and read along with another.
What the stars are really thinking in this video classic from 1984. Watch and read:
Bob Geldof: Let’s do this!
Paul Young: It’s Christmastime, and there’s no need to be afraid of losing my career. This is going to make me HUGE! Huge! Bigger than that George Michael guy, even.
Boy George: I need to get my roots done. And where did I find this hideous jacket? Oh well, I am Boy George and people love me. Better turn on that smile.
Phil Collins: I am a drummer, remember? Before I made sappy pop songs I was a real drummer.
George Michael: I’m not sure what pains me more, my hair or singing this song. I will just close my eyes and imagine a world where I am glowing in the dark, doing the jitterbug.
Simon LeBon: I am so wonderful. I am Simon LeBon, leader of Duran Duran. Women want me and men want to be me. Watch me do my suave dance as I sing and make my eyebrow arch.
Sting: I am so bored. Why am I here? Why is Bob G. torturing me like this? Really, Simon LeBon? REALLY? I was a member of the Police. I broke ground. This guy just thinks he can hold his headphones and the girls will swoon. Ugh.
Guy from Spandau Ballet: I am pretending I am a great Shakespearean actor interpreting this song. I need to FEEL the music. I also seem to be wearing a woman’s blouse.
Sting: I’m still bored. Who is that guy in the woman’s shirt?
Bono: Sting and Simon think they are so great. I am going to do this weird shoulder dance, but it’s really a way for me to get in so I can just sing the song. I just want to help people. Oops. I think I forgot to brush my hair this morning.
Phil Collins: I’m a drummer! Watch me hit the drums!
Paul Weller: I am going to be intense and hold my headphone.
Sting: Still bored. How long is this song, anyway?
Simon LeBon: Look at me! I will make a funny face! I have great hair. You want me.
Boy George: Really, what was I on when I selected this outfit today?
Bono: Who’s that guy between George and Paul? Did he just sneak in here? Oh well, the more, the merrier. We are going to feed the world.
Paul Weller: No one has kicked me out yet. Brilliant. I’ll just pretend I belong here and hold my headphone some more.
Bono: This is great. More people keep showing up. Together we CAN feed the world. I think I might want to help the world even more.
Paul Young: It’s time for my solo. I need to look steamy and into it. This is going to make me a superstar!
Bananarama: Where are we? Let’s stay close to the car. Wait, there are cameras here? We just woke up.
Phil Collins: I’m so tired from DRUMMING. I need to take a rest.
Unidentified babies: Why are we here?
Simon LeBon: What is Bobby G. doing? I better help him lead. Let’s count together. 1, 2, 3, 4!
Sting: Really? I really have to sing the same line about 50 times with all of these inferior beings? I am just going to stare at the lyric sheet. Feed the world. Oh, it’s so deep. I bet LeBon can’t even read the words.
Autograph signing guy: Yes, little girl, of course I will sign this for you. Because I’m SUPPOSED to be here, even though nobody knows who I am.
Bananarama: We really should have changed out of our sweats for this.
Guy from Spandau Ballet: I am so happy. I am into it. This is great. I love my shirt.
Midge Ure: Ha, ha! You caught me! I’m here for comic relief while we relieve the lack of snow in Africa this Christmastime.
Jody Watley: The beat. I keep trying to find it. This song has to have a beat. I need to dance.
Bono: This is great.
Sting: Bono, he’s a good kid. But man, that haircut. Hahahahahaha. Thank god he’s wearing that silly hat. Hahahahahaha.
Simon LeBon: Look at me!
Bob Geldof was the mastermind behind the Live Aid concert, and its predecessor, Band Aid, whose “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” became the fastest-selling single on record, raised $110 million. (File Photo)
Bob Geldof: I’m so happy, this is my dream come true!
Guy from Spandau Ballet: I could be a model. Look at my model pose. I will model this shirt.
Sting: So bored.
Paul Young: A star! I’m going to be a star!
Drummer from Culture Club: I can’t believe George brought me here. Oh well, might as well play some maracas. It’s for a good cause.
George Michael: I have the Christmas spirit. I think I might be getting teary-eyed.
Vanessa: Merry Christmas, everyone!
Want more holiday music? The artists I’ve been featuring this month are listed under the disturbing Wham! photo.
Wham! The other outtakes from the “Last Christmas” single are even more disturbing. (Contributed Image)
Dec. 1: Wham!
Dec. 2: Richard Marx
Dec. 3: Gram Rabbit
Dec. 4: Nat King Cole
Dec. 5: Mariah Carey, Jimmy Fallon and The Roots
Dec. 6: Billy Squier
Dec. 7: Run-DMC
Dec. 8: The LeeVees
Dec. 9: John Mellencamp
Dec. 10: Johnny Mathis
Dec. 11: Paul McCartney
Dec. 12: Debbie Gibson